A table decoration that’s functional and filling, this recipe for Alice Anderson’s pretty pickle tree was published in Chatelaine magazine in December 1967. If you were wondering how to make it – and even if you weren’t – it’s a wedge of cheese with the base trimmed so it stands upright, which has Heinz pickle slices and pickled onions studded into it with toothpicks.

In a rush? Take a shortcut to your favourite curry with a couple of quick tricks from Aylmer and Gold Seal canned foods in this 1970s recipe. All you need is tuna, cream of chicken soup, peach slices, mushrooms, onions, curry powder, almonds and a stomach of steel to be able to keep it down.

To make us eat more of its products, Campbell’s suggested three terrifying new ways to present meatloaf. Frosted with mashed potatoes and a drizzle of mushroom soup, as a giant meatball over spaghetti with tomato soup and – probably the most horrifying – shaped like a bundt cake, glazed with cheese soup. The vintage advert was published in Good Housekeeping in 1969.

These may look like the three worst Spam dinners of all time, but in 1958 food manufacturer Hormel Foods posed the big question: which Spam dinner is top winner? And this lot came out on top. Spam Country Dinner (egg noodles, chicken soup, Spam and vegetables) seized the top spot, followed by 6-in-1 Supper Bake (a Spam, macaroni, mushroom soup and vegetables casserole) and Spam ‘N’ Rice Ring (a rice, Spam and soup bundt filled with vegetables). Oh how far we’ve come in the last 60 years.

An old-country feast, Green Beans Gretel was published in Family Circle in 1963. Del Monte green beans are cooked in butter, onion, pimento, horseradish and mustard, and served with chicken and noodles. So far so good. But the presentation with the whole roast chicken on top? It’s a little barbaric and probably makes carving and serving difficult too.

In the 1960s, a hearty, good-value dinner in America might have featured Spam, a processed pork that gained popularity during the Second World War. This recipe for Spam Brittany, published in Woman’s Day in 1967, jazzes it up by alternating meat slices with apple, giving it an orange marmalade glaze and clove studs. Think of it as a poor man's meatloaf.

The canned food brand is at it again, this time with Pie Plate Salad. Tinned vegetables are added to lemon gelatine, set in a mould, sliced into pie cuts and garnished with tartare sauce. Only a couple of slices and you’ll have reached your five-a-day.

Presentation is everything when it comes to getting people to eat questionable coleslaws and no era knew this better than the 1960s and 1970s. This advert published in Woman’s Day in 1966 displays how seafood coleslaw can be made to look like the centre of a flower and cottage cheese coleslaw works well in geometric shapes.

In the 1950s Campbell’s convinced us that sandwiches could be made hot and hearty by substituting the top slice of bread for sauce made from tinned soup. It suggests chicken soup for a chicken sandwich, tangy tomato soup for cheese, creamy celery on ham, and mushroom soup for beef. The advert artwork doesn’t look particularly appetising and we doubt the dish did in real life either.

This 7-Layer Casserole published in Good Housekeeping in 1958 may look good in the picture but just imagine it after everyone at the buffet table has stuck a fork in. Uncooked rice is topped with sweetcorn, Hunt’s Tomato Sauce, seasoning, chopped onion, green pepper, raw beef mince (ground beef), a second tin of tomato sauce and bacon, and baked in the oven.

Imported Spanish green olives had some serious marketing acumen back in the day and managed to persuade us the salty nibble was a great accompaniment to any dish. We were sticking them on cheese logs, frankfurters and even burgers. We think this hamburger published in Good Housekeeping in 1958 would’ve been better without them.

Lemon mayonnaise sounds appealing served with tinned pears and lime jelly, right? Not really. What about lemon jelly with stuffed olives, grated carrots and the zingy condiment? In 1965 a Kraft Mayonnaise advert in Look magazine wanted us to try these recipes, insisting a touch of lemon juice was just the ticket to perk up flavour. The crafty advertising team at Kraft certainly lived up to their name with this campaign.

With a name like Cling-a-Ling salad, you just know it’s going to be dreadful. This recipe from a 1967 Family Circle is for a double layer jelly made from Miracle Whip (a mayonnaise alternative), gelatine, instant pudding and cling peaches, and served on a bed of iceberg lettuce. We think we'll pass.

Another 1960s salad that can only be loosely classified by this definition, the Creamettes macaroni salad bowl describes itself as a "light and leafy 7-minute meal". With ingredients including diced Spam, salad oil, mayonnaise and cheddar, we're thinking less light and leafy and more seven-minute mess.

This creamy chicken dish was popular throughout the 20th century and a Swanson recipe for it published in Family Circle in 1953 even received the Good Housekeeping seal of approval. White bread is spread with margarine, baked in the oven and topped with a can of Swanson Chicken à la King. A recipe for how to pour a tin over toast – it does make you question things, doesn’t it.

This alarming hot dog plate was seen in a 1942 McCall's magazine feature that wanted its readers to try out a new type of skinless frankfurter. It describes them as tender and nourishing, urging home cooks to serve it tonight with fried potatoes and chilli sauce. We don’t reckon this advert would make it into print today.

A savoury dish that’s mistaken by kids for treat food isn’t much to be proud of today, but Chef Boy-Ar-Dee shouted it from the rooftops. It insisted that while children would love it, it was nourishing too. Either tinned spaghetti and meatballs has massively deteriorated in quality since the 1970s or this advert is overselling itself.

In the 1970s the idea of an appetising supper was something along the lines of this rice and beef mince (ground beef) skillet with squares of Velveeta processed cheese patchworked on top. It's described as "Convenient, wholesome, economical and delicious" – we're not so sure about that.

Read more: Nutella and chicken? Strange food combos that really work

A further attempt from Campbell’s to get us to use its products. In a 1957 issue of Ladies Home Journal the brand suggested its tomato soup mixed with brown sugar, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, sweet-pickle relish and chopped onion was the perfect accompaniment to any barbecued meat. Just look at it dripping off those sausages and burgers. Bon appétit.

Read more: Retro ingredients we wish would make a comeback

For cooks that stay as cool as the company, this Patio Platter from Miracle Whip and Knox published in Reader’s Digest in 1965 was the dish to make. The fruit cocktail and mayonnaise jelly was said to pair perfectly with cold cuts of ham, chicken or turkey and Kraft cheese slices. And no one will ever know the secret ingredient: frozen lemonade concentrate.

Read more: Retro dishes that deserve a comeback