There are a host of rules around how to behave in a restaurant. While some are good manners, others are just downright silly and antiquated. From outdated ideas about who should pay the bill and sharing food to how to really order wine, these are the etiquette rules you should probably ignore and get on with enjoying yourself.​

In the past it was considered polite to wait for the entire party to arrive before sitting down and often it’s restaurant policy as they don’t want to offer valuable tables to groups who aren’t ready to order. However, if you're offered a table and find yourself needing to wait 20 minutes for a late friend, feel free to sit down, order a drink and entertain yourself with your phone, a book or the menu.

There’s no hard and fast rule on whether to wait for others. In some fast casual or modern fusion restaurants, servers bring out dishes as soon as they’re cooked. In this situation it's fair to enjoy them while they’re still fresh and hot rather than waiting for the whole group. Equally at restaurants that serve small plates such as tapas, tuck in as soon as the dishes start arriving. You don't want the food to go cold.

Perhaps in a formal setting or if you don’t know the group this may apply. For example, it would be jarring at a business meeting or your partner’s mother’s birthday if you order cocktails, a starter and dessert, while the rest of the group sticks to main dishes and water. Not to mention it would be rude to do this if someone else is footing the bill. That said between a group of friends who are most likely splitting the bill or paying individually, we think it’s fair to order what you fancy.

This rule is a tricky one. A restaurant will want to turn tables so they can seat more people, especially at busy times, and if people are queuing, it’s good manners to leave fairly promptly. If you want to continue the conversation, order another round of coffees or head to the bar. If the restaurant is not busy, stay as long as you want.

It's fine to say you don't like the wine and definitely speak up if it's corked and tastes off. When trying a glass, give it a sniff and take a sip. If it's not for you or something doesn't taste right, it’s okay to say. Wine is the most expensive part of the meal and you want to enjoy it. Take a look at our ultimate guide to choose the right wine every time.

Obviously leaning across someone and taking food from their plate without asking is rude but it's nice to sample different dishes. Offer up some of your own first and then politely ask if you could try some of their meal. Delivering a sample on a side plate is preferable to passing a precariously balanced fork over the dinner table. However, you’re the best judge of what’s acceptable within your company.

It’s old fashioned dining etiquette that you should approach and leave your seat from the right. This was to stop you bumping into the person next to you if you’re both sitting down at the same time. These days this rule is largely redundant. Most people have forgotten it and if the person next to you decides they want to enter from their left, just wait until they’re finished or walk around the other side.

There’s an 18th-century British tea tradition that states you should pour the tea into the teacup first, add the milk, then stir back and forwards – not in a circular motion. Firstly, you don’t want to make clunking sounds in polite company and you don’t want to create a literal storm in a teacup, with hot drinks slopping over the sides. However, when you're just dining out with friends and family, life is too short to panic over tea drinking etiquette.

The golden rule about working from the outside in still stands (so you'd use the furthest away from your plate for appetisers), but don’t get too stressed out about it. Really, what’s one soup-shaped spoon among friends?

It's time to get rid of this notion once and for all. Men can pay and women can pay – or people can split the check. The situation should dictate the outcome, not the gender of those involved.

Not making loud calls during a meal is a pretty reasonable rule to follow. But if you’re waiting for a friend to arrive and they’re running late, don't worry about sending a message or catching up on an email or two. We think taking a quick photo of a beautiful plate of food is acceptable too.

Tradition dictates that when you leave the table at the end of a meal, your napkin should be placed on your side plate. If you get up but plan to return during a meal, it should be left on your chair. We’d suggest that placing it anywhere is perfectly fine, just avoid it dropping to the floor or on your food.

The story goes that this rule came about when tables were seriously wobbly and putting your elbows down could easily topple everything. But tables are made of sturdier stuff these days so feel free to rest your elbows as you like.

The red wine glass is usually the biggest and tallest, the white wine one has a narrower opening and the water glass is likely to be a cup. But it’s not always the case, especially as the trend for wine tumblers seems to know no bounds. Glasses are meant to accentuate different styles of wine but if the selection of glasses in front of you is pretty similar, using the incorrect glass is unlikely to affect your enjoyment of the wine.

The placement of cutlery was once used as a signal to waiters. A knife and fork aligned together in the centre of the plate, top to bottom, meant you were finished, while an upside-down V-shape signalled that you planned to continue. While these ideas are helpful, they're not always necessary. Simply putting down your cutlery and responding ‘Yes, we’re finished’ when asked is (unsurprisingly) just as effective.

Just a few years ago intolerances to certain foods were, quite simply, not tolerated. Thankfully today, attitudes have mostly improved. If you have a dietary requirement or are allergic to certain ingredients, don't feel bad about asking to have them removed or replaced to suit your needs.

It’s usually considered good manners to let your guest take the best seat at the table but don't assume you know what seat they'd prefer. Some people prefer to face the kitchen if it's open to the dining room so they can watch the action unfold, while others prefer to face out. Just ask.

Whether you're dining with a partner or in a group, the wine choice needn't be made by one person alone. Pitch in and share your preferences – the best wine is the one that best suits everyone's taste and budget.

Once upon a time, if you organised a meal or booked the table, the bill was yours to take care of. However, today the person who booked the table is more likely to be the one who had time to call or make the booking online. Always assume the bill will be shared, unless stated otherwise.

Occasionally, restaurants get it wrong. A dish can be sub-par, a wine can be corked or things can take longer than they should. In the past too many of us ignored problems out of politeness, leaving the restaurant dissatisfied. That doesn't mean you should make a big fuss or complain, just raise any issues at the time in a friendly way and give the restaurant a chance to remedy the situation.

Out for dinner with five people and want to split the bill? Don't sweat it. Thanks to helpful apps which work out how much everyone needs to pay and improved credit card systems in restaurants, this is much easier than it once was. Just do everything you can to help your waiter: decide who's paying what in advance and most importantly make sure you leave a large enough tip.

Bread is the ideal tool to mop up any fantastic sauces left on your plate. Yes, it might be frowned on in stuffier restaurants but if the sauce is that good, why leave it on the plate and risk insulting the chef?

It may come as a surprise but you're actually meant to pass bread to the right when dining with more than one guest. It makes much more sense to pass it to the person who's ready to take a piece of bread, rather than someone who's reading the menu or adjusting their cutlery. We say offer bread in any order you like.

Some people still consider it impolite to use a fork to scoop food off the plate. But what's the point in struggling hopelessly with a plateful of peas while holding the fork prongs pointing downwards? Forget old-school etiquette and use a fork to do what it was intended for: getting food into your mouth.

Tucking your napkin into your collar and going gung-ho at a whole lobster makes perfect sense to us. The ‘no napkin as bib’ rule means missing out on some of the world's greatest eating experiences. Just try to read the situation, judge the type of restaurant and act accordingly.

It's time to loosen rules around cutlery, particularly given that in many cuisines it's more polite to use chopsticks, a flatbread or even your hand. Sure, there's a case for soup spoons for soup and steak knives for tough meat, but beyond that opt for cutlery that gives you the most enjoyment from your meal.

Believe it or not, there’s a cheese knife designed for almost every cheese. So many, in fact, there’s no way even the biggest cheese lover is likely to remember which goes with which. Instead of worrying, stick to an obvious rule of thumb: try not to use the same knife for cheeses with different textures or colours. So don't smear blue cheese over a cheddar, but using the same knife for stilton and roquefort is fine. Don't know your brie from your comté? Take a look at everything you wanted to know about cheese.

Some etiquette guides suggest you shouldn’t announce your departure to the bathroom but instead excuse yourself without saying where you’re going. But how do your friends know you’ve not had a better offer and abandoned them completely? Or snuck off to pay the bill in full? Draw the line at telling them why you're going to the bathroom but otherwise it’s fine to explain where you're going.

Read more: Takeout secrets restaurants don't want you to know

Casual dining is big business: gone are the days of a restaurant visit requiring ties, dresses and high heels. Restaurants should be fun, enjoyable, convivial and places you want to spend time. If you're going somewhere fancy, you should look presentable – but don't let a restaurant dictate what you should wear. 

Perhaps surprisingly there was a time when being overly nice or enthusiastic with restaurant staff was seen as a bad thing. Aloof was in, friendliness was out. We say greet warmly, tip generously and chat honestly. But above all, try to read the situation. If the staff are busy, don’t hog their time. If they're happy to chat, make the most of it.

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